Science is also just an opinion | Columns

The newspaper takes over and then you make the dolls dance. In other words: then you have sexed the hair follicle mite. During the night. On your face. It’s full of insects that literally can’t stand daylight. That’s why they walk around at night. Yes, ma’am, you can scream that you can’t, but you’re also covered in dust mites.

There is nothing wrong with biodiversity on our skin. Nature is so flourishing there that the Dutch Environmental Assessment Agency PBL could write a jubilant report about it. The PBL, which takes the year 1700 as the starting point for measuring biodiversity “because the Netherlands was then 100% unspoiled nature” (farmers at the time stood on the doorstep of the Planning Office with their pitchforks to prove otherwise.) would find that the biodiversity on our face hasn’t diminished for hundreds of thousands of years.

In Cro-Magnon man these monstrosities crawled as much on the face as on yours, madam. Then you can rub and rub with expensive tonics, but it makes no sense. Your face is their habitat. Get used to it.

There was already an article in it two years ago The Lancet about these critters, declaring in a terrible sentence that “the mite sometimes walks on the face at night”. This article also mentioned the reason for the excursion: the mite goes out because it is looking for a partner. And if there is a match, two follicular mites will open on your face.

Sometimes more than two. Entire herds bustle during such a nocturnal orgy gang bang under the approving eye of the full moon. Your pores are the tendon chambers.

It was two years ago. At that time there was already too much information, but it was not enough for science. The mite was again placed under the microscope. According to this new study, published in the journal molecular biology and evolution, it turns out that these animals have a mouth and an anus.

From your hip, hip, hooray.

Before you decide to dip your face in fresh cow’s pâté in the hopes that the ammonia will deal a big blow to your skin’s infernal biodiversity, remember that these parasites also have a function: they keep your pores open. . No facial cleanser can compete with this.

One hundred percent of adults have it, according to science. So that’s everyone. Except my beloved. He has no mites. And certainly not when I kiss her. I do not believe it.

Science is just an opinion.