Neighbors think I should host refugees because I have room, but I don’t want that

Etiquette specialist Beatrijs Ritsema answers pressing questions every week about how things should or shouldn’t be done.

Dear Beatrice,

I am a woman in my early 60s, divorced and have a busy job. The children live independently, which is one of the reasons I have plenty of living space.

In my neighborhood, everyone talks about helping Ukrainians. I must have heard three or four times now that I have the top floor empty? And if I still plan to accommodate a family there?

I don’t intend to. I don’t have time to take care of people and when I come home in the evening I want to rest because I’m tired. But the most annoying of these so-called light issues is interference. Why do the neighbors think they should measure me? I even feel obliged to apologize for not having opened my house, but having transferred a lot of money for the refugees.
An empty floor

Dear An empty floor,

You don’t have to justify your choices to the neighbors! What they demonstrate with their pinpricks and pious exhortations is cheap moralism. Neighbors have nothing to do with who you let into your home. Let them welcome a family into their own home or garden instead of blaming yourself for not feeling it.

The refugees are not interned among the local population, the private reception is a voluntary gesture. People should not interfere with the humanity of others. It’s so easy to tell other people what to do. It’s the easiest way not to have to put in the effort yourself and to always be on the right side of history. Giving concrete help is wonderful, but it has to be someone’s idea.